fWhen I was a kid, drinking, drugs, and sex were easy. They felt good in the moment although the side effects and consequences were crippling. When I finally decided I wanted God to be the Lord of my life, I decided that no temporary fix was good enough, that I was ready to be a daughter of the King. I fell hopelessly in love with His love. And today I still am. Being in love with God is the best thing that I have ever done. Although, I think a common misconception is that when you fall in love with God, everything is good, your sins are forgiven and you skip around in fields of flowers with no cares in the world. Truth is, sometimes it's like that. When I first found God, the sky had never been a brighter blue, the mountains made me cry like a baby. I never truly understood beauty until I had meet its creator. On the other hand, sometimes being in love with God is the hardest thing you'll ever do. Like any good father, He not only loves you, but wants what's best for you. That true genuine fatherly love is sometimes tough love. Sometimes it's a "No", and sometimes it's brutally honest. This week, His love revealed to me that currently his standards for my life are higher than I'm setting them. Last month, out of love God shifted me into the loneliest time of my life to help expose the areas of my life that have been keeping me in emotional bondage. Tonight God reminded me that addiction is still in my DNA, and despite being sober, my natural instinct to deal with anything is to run. And believe me, I'm fast. You can call me Flash. It's easy for me to numb pain, or mentally check out, even if I'm not drinking. Honestly, despite my past or my upbringing, I don't ever want to live unable to be 100% because of the past I have chained myself to. The cold hard truth is that no matter what, I am a work in progress. And more importantly, God is always willing to put in the work. Despite his willingness, like most parents, God cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves. When you really want change, you'll make it. God is calling me to higher places, to healing, to a refreshing. I don't believe growth is possible if I am unwilling to be uncomfortable. I need to be willing to be raw and vulnerable, to let go of the control so that I can stop getting in God's way. And the best thing above all is that God is strongest in our weakness. It may take time, but one of our Savior's specialties is "renewal" and I know he is doing good works in my soul. Good, bad, or ugly, I choose God in all things. Prayer: Dear Father, I want to thank you for another day of breath, free speech, and the chance to grow. Thank You Father for tirelessly pursuing me in all things, even when I stray away because I am fearful, or when I momentarily forget all the incredible things you have done for me. I pray that You continue to call me to a place of healing, that you continue to remove the toxic areas and wounds in my life and heart. I pray that you remind me not only of how important this daily journey is to my calling but please remind me of where I came from. I thank you father for this season of stretching and growing. I pray that You remove negative or distracting influences from my life. I pray for less of me and more of You, that You'll stir a new thirst in me for you that nothing else can quench. Thank You Father for Your endless love. Amen
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I got a word from God today at Bridgeway Church. There was such a tender sweep of God in that place and I honestly couldn't keep from crying. God just wanted me to know how much He loved me, and how beautiful I am to Him. It was so sensitive and precious to me. I receive this word and all God has for my life.
"You are a white flag on the top of a mountain, blowing in the breeze. It says the word 'Yes' on it. You are saying yes to what God is asking you to do. Your flag is on a sail still blowing in the breeze as you go forth and do as He has told you to do. You will reach people of all nations and all tongues . You will motherly hear them and have answers for them that God has given to you. People will come to hear your stories. Make sure that you write all your stories down. When you talk about what God has done for you, you will cause others to be jealous of your relationship with Him. And your stories of what God has done in your life will help you lead others to Christ. People will come to you saying, 'Whats going on? Whats Happening?', and you will be able to tell them about your Lord. You will be able to explain as God has told you. You will speak without thinking, and it will be an outpouring of God's love. They are coming, Get Ready!! " |
AuthorPerfectly imperfect artist, lover, musician, poet, worship leader, and above all daughter of the king of kings. Archives
December 2016
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