I know that I have written about Godly dating before, but lately I have been really been finding a lot of breakthrough in Godly relationships. I spoke at a Youth Group recently about God, Sex, and all that hush hush. But in reality, I really feel like we should spend time talking about relationships, whether they are just friendships, or more.
I will spend a quick moment in complete honesty. I have struggled for a while with something I will now title "the list". Its a list of desires of qualities I would ideally like to have in a husband one day. In reality I don't think that it's bad. I am all about praying into my future husband and speaking into the future that I would like to cultivate with him one day. But sometimes, I can do this thing where when I have a friendship with a guy who loves Jesus, I will start to run him through that list. This is the first step in the wrong direction. Not because I don't think you can marry someone you are friends with first, but because I think you SHOULD marry someone you are friends with first. I think it is so IMPORTANT that we love everyone in our lives as brothers and sisters FIRST. When we start to take a relationship further in our thoughts, I think it hinders the way that we love them. We may love them more, or love them with expectations, and sometimes not love them the same when they don't meet those expectations. I am in a season of being very intentional about loving everyone as family. And I will love them as a brother until God says, "That's your husband." So when I meet a cute guy that loves Jesus I can say: "Dang, I am glad you exist," not "Dang, I would like to see where this goes." I am trying very hard to break the cycle of viewing people as a "potential." If I am supposed to marry someone I trust that Jesus will reveal that in perfect timing. But, until then, I believe its very crucial for our hearts and other peoples hearts to be intentional. I have a lot of incredible, attractive guy friends that love Jesus. That's all they have to be to me--great people that I am blessed to have in my life. I am consciously always putting wondering thoughts to a stop because they are family and will be forEVER. I always say, I don't want to have my hands on someone else's future. So, practical steps: 1. Prayer. Pray for your friends and relationships. Pray into feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I regularly ask God to let me see people the way he sees them. I also recently asked God to not even be able to see my husband as more than a friend until I am ready. If a man is on your mind more than Jesus, Pray. I want to be someone infatuated with daddy God only. If you are struggling being single, or feel jealousy when you see couples, pray into it. Every time I start to think about dating, I pray for my future husband--that God is blessing him, growing him, and pursuing him. When my thoughts switch to, "Could we be good together?", I just pray, "Daddy please give me your perspective and intentions for this relationship." 2. Boundaries. I actively set boundaries with my guy friends, Even if that is just in my heart or mind. Sometimes I set them out loud. I am a very physical person. It is my first love language. But I understand I cannot always show love in a way that is comfortable for me because it can lead people on. I try to be very vocal about my intentions and feelings. When I feel myself starting to catch feelings or thoughts, I really spend time working through those thought cycles to adjust my boundaries or refocus my thinking. Instead of thinking, 'He might make a great husband for me,' I can say, "Hey, he will make a great husband for whomever he marries." Be intentional with your boundaries and always run through not only your perspective, but theirs . Hearts are too valuable to be messed with. 3. Wondering eyes and wondering thoughts. People, lust of the eyes is real. This is something I am learning. There is a way to find someone attractive, without allowing your imagination to run wild. Really I have just set the standard: Is this how family acts? If I am looking at people with lust, it hinders the way I will love them. Basically, I live in a constant place of me saying to myself, "YO, check yourself!" In other words, check your intentions and thoughts. We live in a time where almost everything we see is oversexualized. It is crucial that we protect what we let in, as it will influence our thoughts and eventually our actions. For me, it's also a matter of honoring your future spouse. When I am ready to be married, I will have eyes for just them. I want to respect that now, and not spend time looking at people that are brothers in Christ. By doing this I also honor the person in front of me. They are someone's future husband and my brother. They deserve the same respect that I expect from them. This is obviously easier said than done but possible. It comes down to being aware of your thoughts. I am also in a season of life where I am intentionally dating God. He is my main man. It is in this season that I get to focus on the most important man in my life. This is also where I get to grow to becoming the best wife I can be, BEFORE I am dating. You are clothed in dignity and strength before you are a wife. Some of these Proverbs 31 qualities are ones you bring into marriage, not get within it. So I am working on them now in my single season. This time is about me asking God to search my soul, teach me how to love and be loved, and help me trust. I want to enter a relationship whole and healthy. A couple days ago, God showed me a pretty cool analogy of what dating daddy first does. When we choose Him to be our spouse or partner first, we are choosing to build our house on a solid foundation, His foundation, the rock on which we stand. When he is the first man in our life, we lean on him for everything--good days, bad days, funny stories, sad stories, stressful moments, or moments of celebration. God wants relationship with us. The coolest thing about him being our everything is he not only models what relationships look like, but we are fulfilled in him and fully satisfied in him. No one and nothing else can offer more than what God already fulfills. When a storm comes and our foundation is built on HIM, we will not be moved. God becomes your main man, and as you press on in life, you may find a partner. The type of man that makes you fall in love with God more everyday. He will be your partner, someone to do life with and run towards God with. A man like this also built his house upon solid rock, he will be sound because he has built his life on the rock in which his strength comes from. He will be your earthly husband, but individually both of you will be in relation with daddy God first, your marriage will be a braid between God and the both of you. The image that God showed me was two beach houses built on solid ground. Both of them were individually beautiful. They stood tall, and when the storm came, all the other houses were getting destroyed, but these two didn't budge. As you step into marriage out of identity, both of you are able to build and pour into a new house together combining both of your strengths and desires. Yet the foundation will remain the solid foundation that both of you individually built upon. This may have felt long-winded, but in reality the purpose of this is to run your race. Run at God. By taking time to date God, you are taking time to fall in love with your first love, fall in love with yourself, figure out what you are called to do, and dive into the fullness of what God has for you. In no way does this mean that there is no more friendship after marriage, or that you wont always be in a place of discovery. I strongly believe that this generation lacks an independence with Jesus. Sometimes, I struggle with the desire to have a partner, when all along, I have all the partner I will ever need in Heaven. This doesn't mean all relationships will look this way. I have know many incredible God-honoring relationships that were an example of love at first sight. This it just some food for thought when it comes to my experience on dating. This is an area of struggle for many Christians. I think it needs to be talked about more. I hope it's helpful. Always remember to trust God. He's pretty good at this stuff. XOXO Jericho
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AuthorPerfectly imperfect artist, lover, musician, poet, worship leader, and above all daughter of the king of kings. Archives
December 2016
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